Monday, February 28, 2005

LIONS AND TIGERS AND GIRL SCOUT COOKIES OH MY!!!!

I would like to take this moment to update everyone on a very important news event……THE GIRL SCOUT COOKIES ARE HERE!!!!!!!! THE GIRL SCOUT COOKIES ARE HERE!!!!!!!!

In honor of this weeks Oscar awards I bring you these famous Girl Scout Cookie Movie Moments.

“As God is my witness, I'll never be hungry again.”

“Look, Daddy. Teacher says, “Every time the Girl Scout Cookies come an angel gets his wings.”

“Thin Mints…..The stuff that dreams are made of.”

“Drop the gun, take the Tagalongs.”

This is my favorite day of the year!!!!! I love this day!!!! This day is better than Christmas. At Christmas I get boxes…..I open them up…..clothes. But today I get boxes….I open them up….I end up in a diabetic coma.

Girl Scout cookies are a fat person’s cocaine. There is nothing more addictive than a Thin Mint. I’m serious, they should have a surgeon generals warning on the side of the box.

Surgeon General’s Warning: Quitting Thin Mints Now Greatly Reduces Serious Risks to Your Pant Size.

I think the serving size for Thin Mints should be one plastic sleeve of them. Have you noticed that once you open one of those plastic sleeves of Thin Mints you can’t reseal them? If you can’t reseal it that should be a serving!!!! I can’t let them go stale! I wouldn’t want to waste them. There are starving people in India and I would feel guilty. After all if they starve who’ll answer the customer service calls at SBC?

I’ve tried to quit eating them but these Girl Scouts are like drug dealers. The only difference is instead of hanging out at playgrounds they camp out in front of the grocery store.

“Hey mister, how about some Thin Mint’s? C’mon, just try one. If they were bad for you do you think they’d have the word “Thin” in their name?”

I swear I hear their little voices calling to me in my head like the sounds of slot machines after a weekend in Las Vegas. MAKE IT STOP!!!!

DESTINY! DESTINY! NO ESCAPING COOKIES FOR ME! DESTINY! DESTINY! NO ESCAPING COOKIES FOR ME!

I’m afraid I’ll spend everything stocking up on boxes of Girl Scout Cookies. Oh sure it will start out slow then I’ll steal money from my wife's purse to support my Thin Mint habit. I’ll skip a mortgage payment and use the money to buy an extra freezer for my garage to store Thin Mints during the off-season. Sure, I try rehab, 12 step programs, Cookieholics Anonymous but nothing works. I’ll lose my house and end up on the street turning tricks to get enough money to score a quick Thin Mint Fix. Eventually I’ll end up living in a dumpster behind Home Town Buffet. One day Father Joe will find me passed out in front of a 7-11 with a milk carton and an empty box of Thin Mints clutched in my hands.

JUST SAY NO TONY! JUST SAY NO! Where is Nancy Reagan when I need her?

Hopefully my friends and family won’t abandon me and will pull me out of this cookie hell. After they pull me though I’ll write a book called Fear and Loathing in the Bakery.

I’m in cookie denial. I think I need an intervention.

6 Comments:

At 6:28 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That is too funny! LOL.

 
At 8:58 PM, Anonymous Caprice said...

I can so relate to that. Thin Mints are my alltime favorite.

 
At 5:45 PM, Blogger Ray Yargeau said...

Hey Tony,
You haven't lost your touch ( or any weight ) since we last worked together at ol' SDT&SB.
Hoolua

 
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