Monday, February 14, 2005

For Valentines Day

In honor of this special day I thought I would share with you a little research on the origin of Valentines Day.

Valentine's Day was first discovered by the Egyptians over 2000 years ago. Apparently King Vale the VI was a little on the fruity side and loved flowers and chocolates and stuff. He was also a ruthless persecutor of a band of nomadic tribesmen called the Entines. (You're getting ahead of me here aren't you?) He would order his troops to cut out their hearts and then dip them in chocolate and feed them to the camels. What people don't realize is that the original camels were meat eaters. Many an Entine was taken to the arena and thrown to the Camels. It was horrible.

Then one day King Vale the VI saw a beautiful young Entine captive and had her brought to him. Since he didn't speak Entine, which in hindsight may have been the reason for their persecution, he named her......Tine.

He married her on February 14th 2005bc. People loved to see how happy King Vale and Tine were together, especially the Entines. People would see them on the street and say, "there goes Vale and Tine, and they’re so in love." A local merchant, Nord Strom, saw how the couple made the whole kingdom happy and he made chocolates in the shape of camels for everyone to eat to celebrate "Vale and Tine's Day". The chocolate covered camels didn't catch on so twice a year he sold them at a discount until his supply of chocolate covered camels was depleted.

So they lived happily ever after until they got old and died of a stroke or cancer or wandered off into the desert or something just like all old people do.

During the Crusades a young Catholic priest found their grave in the city of Ghirardelli in Egypt. He saw that the walls of the temple were they were buried had paintings of camels and hearts and of Egyptians melting chocolates. He made sketches of their tomb in the temple. The whole chocolate covered camel thing could have started up again but the priest couldn't draw a camel.

The priests name was Chuck. When he returned to Rome to show the Pope his drawings the Pope liked them so much he granted him three wishes. The first wish was to not have to go on anymore of those stupid Crusades. The second wish was for new sandals and the third wish was for a new name. The Pope looked at the young priest and looked at the sketches, then he looked at the priest and looked at the sketches again (this happened a few more times) then he pronounced that from this day forward he would be "Valentine." He also named him Bishop of the Order of the Rabbit.

Years later Bishop Valentine took the Egyptians chocolate covered ideas a bit farther when on Easter Sunday he handed out chocolate covered rabbits to the poor. In time there would be a rabbit shortage so rabbits made out of all chocolate or marshmallows were handed out instead.

One February 14th, Bishop Valentine was having his wagon serviced in a garage when he was attacked and killed by PETA, Priests for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. The Pope declared Valentine a Saint for his work with the poor and the lucky rabbit’s feet he handed out during confession. "They gave the poor so much hope", the Pope said.

And from that day forward we had St. Valentines Day. Each year thousands of lucky rabbits feet are handed out..........wait..........I mean each year chocolate and stuff is handed out to the Egyptians......Ummmmm.......maybe this is why I'm always in so much trouble with my wife.

Happy Valentines Day!

8 Comments:

At 11:21 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Interesting ... delusional. Way too much time on your hands. How's the banking thing going anyway? Slow?

:)

Jim Floros

 
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At 1:02 PM, Blogger Happy said...

Wow! So sweet Valentine's Day history! I've never hard that! Thank you:)
And Happy St Valentine's Day:)

 

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