Skinny People On Aisle 7
I noticed something today. Skinny people window shop when they’re grocery shopping. I’m in the ice cream aisle and there they are, shivering, staring into the glass. They come from Family Fitness Center in their little shorts and tank tops and they stand there mumbling about carbs or calories or some other crap. They have this pathetic look on their faces like they’ve just seen a puppy they can’t take home.
It would be sad if it wasn’t so annoying. They’re blocking my lane. I find my Chunky Monkey and my Heavenly Hash and I’m out of there. I’ve got the meltage factor to worry about. I’m on a mission. Lives depend on me. Get out of my way and move over to the produce section with the rest of the sprout munching liberals.
Skinny people only have paper products and cleaning supplies in their carts. That and precut, washed and packaged, salad and fruit. They can spend 16 hours a day in the gym working out until they can crack a walnut with their butt cheeks but they can’t take the time to cut their own watermelon.
I hate when there are a lot of skinny people in the grocery store at once. I feel like I’m being stalked. My cart is piled high with real food and these waifs are following me around waiting to strike. Back off and keeps your hands off my piping hot French bread salad boy!
One of these days one of them is going to snap and sit down cross-legged (skinny people can do that) in the ice cream aisle with sixteen pints of Hagen Daz popping the lids off and scooping the ice-cream out with their bare hands smearing it all over their bodies while speaking in tongues about the Atkins diet.
Ummm…..That… may…. just be a fantasy of mine.