Late Night TV
Last night for some odd reason I was compelled to watch “Killer Squid” on the Discovery Channel. I watched grown men and women dive into the Gulf of Mexico in the middle of the night; shine lights to attract squid the size of their own bodies, because……….. They wanted to see if the squid WOULD ATTACK!!!!!
I couldn’t turn the channel. It was like sitting in front of a slot machine waiting for the payoff. I was mesmerized!!! GET OUT OF THE WATER!!!!!!!!
But this was science and these were scientists, photographers or aluminum siding salesmen. That’s right you would assume that anyone who was diving into the ocean at 2:00am in the morning looking for four hundred pound six foot long killer squid was a professional at this but nooooooooo….. There’s one scientist and the rest are all from some weird Club Med time-share package.
At one point in the show they are surrounded by “killer squid”, but they’re not worried, because the squid are flashing blue and white. That’s okay, blue and white. If they flash red then you’re in trouble. I see…….Ummm…… Who discovered this? Where’s the first guy to do this? I WANT TO KNOW!!!!!!!!! I’m going to go out on a limb and say he’s not doing this anymore!
AND PARENTS ARE WORRIED ABOUT THEIR KIDS SEEING “SEX” ON TV???!!!!!!
Any child who watched this show would never go into the water. EVER!!!!!
Here's a safety tip for parents if the name of the show has "squid" in the title and it isn't in Italian, ie. "Calamari Fritti" hosted by Emeril Lagasse, DON'T LET YOUR KIDS WATCH IT.
This is not the kind of show that a woman would watch because this is an hour of shopping they can’t get back. A woman would watch a twelve-hour marathon of reruns of Beauty and the Beast and feel satisfied.
A man would rather throw himself in front of a train.
But give us killer squid, the mummies of Egypt, the invasion of Poland or a show that shows us how to make a nuclear reactor out of stuff from the junkyard and we’re glued to the screen.
Late night TV is very bizarre. Did you know the secret to losing weight, clearing up your skin, getting in shape, making your own beef jerky, attaining fabulous wealth through no money down real estate investing and buying 189 knives including the Sword of Aragon for three dollars is on after midnight?
All of the troubles of the world could be solved if third world nations just had cable!!! I love to see someone selling a George Foreman Grill in Ethiopia or Somalia.
Have you noticed that when you are searching the channels late at night it just says “Paid Program” in the description? There’s no warning for you. One minute you’re surfing through fake porn on Cinemax and the next minute your watching some woman from New Zealand selling a vacuum that could suck a up a dead body.
The knife show is my favorite. It’s like watching the Home Shopping Network for serial killers. No one, absolutely no one, needs to have 189 knives. What kills me is that they sell SWORDS!!!!! I guess because a sword isn’t a concealed weapon it’s okay to carry around. But who the hell needs the swords of Aragon or William Wallace?
I will say swords are safer than guns. I guess if a guy walks into work with a four foot sword strapped to his back you kind of have a clue he’s going to have issues that day.
Either that or he works in the mailroom.
I actually found myself watching fishing……on TV…. at 2:30 in the morning…. and they weren’t catching anything. Um… I watched them not catch a fish for an hour. I “watched” a fishing show…. where they “talked” about catching fish. They didn’t catch one fish, not one, and they put this on TV.
The best part of the show was at the end where they put up a phone number and an address where you could order a copy of the show…. for $19.95. You have to be a special kind of lonely to order a copy of a fishing show where no one caught fish.
I admit that I have ordered a few products from late night television.
I bought a food dehydrator; I made apple chips, once. It took three days. I wasn’t hungry for apples by then so I went out and bought some beef jerkey.
I bought the Juiceman Juicer; I made carrot juice, once. It took 15 carrots to make a glass of juice. That’s way past my five servings per day.
I bought a razor sharp board that slices dices and even makes julienne fries; I made fries, once, and ended up with seven stitches.
I bought Kickboxing tapes; I tried them, once. I broke a lamp and pulled my groin.
I bought a Bow Flex; I tried it once. I broke the other lamp.
I bought the Carlton Sheets “No Money Down Real Estate System”. I haven’t tried it. I don’t live in a state where your truck costs more than your house.
I bought a Dragon Slayer Sword. My wife won’t let me take it out of the box. I don’t think it would work on her anyway.